The 4 Types of South American Travelers

From traveling all up and down the beautiful country of Chile, I have been at enough hostels to pick up on the stereotypical types of travelers that explore South America. Here they are, organized into somewhat succinct and problematically simplified categories:

1) The Heterosexual Couple: One of the most common types of travelers. The Heterosexual Couple has usually met at their hip, modern, bougie and sustainable non-profit job that they had back in the States. The Heterosexual Couple has usually decided to quit their hip, modern, bougie, and sustainable non-profit job that they had back in the States to travel South America. The Heterosexual Couple usually travels for a minimum of 8 weeks. The Heterosexual Couple is usually a granola-type couple that hails from California, Oregon, or Washington. The Heterosexual Couple usually has cute matching Tevas that they bought at REI right before they left. The Heterosexual Couple has usually already been nesting, and are thus, ready (or at least, think they are ready) to only hang out with each other whilst exposing themselves to 19 hour bus rides, overpriced tours, and dengue fever. The Heterosexual Couple is usually in love. The Heterosexual Couple is currently in Bolivia right now, touring the Salt Flats. The Heterosexual Couple is realizing that their 4 month trek through South America, while amazing, isn't as romantic as they thought it would be. The Heterosexual Couple have recently run out of money. The Heterosexual Couple kind of wants their hip, modern, bougie, and sustainable non-profit job back. Please?

2) The Solo Traveler: The Solo Traveler is someone you usually want to avoid. This is because: a) they are so disheartened with their life back home that they think traveling by themselves in another continent will expedite their lifelong process of finding themselves or b) due to the social repellant their body emits, they have no other friends to travel with. 

You will have to watch out for Solo Traveler A because since they have no one they have been traveling with, they will try to hound anyone they know into being their friend in common spaces of hostels, buses on tours of Area X, etc. In other words, they will hunt you and talk your ear off. They will talk about how back in their home continent of Australia, Spanish is not a useful language to learn, and thus, they are cool and rebellious for learning it. They will give you shit for the slang that your people use in Country X, even though the slang from Solo Traveler A's Motherland sounds like complete bullocks. They will ask you a million questions that, no matter how narcissistic you are, you will get tired of answering. They will make the tour guide take a picture of all of you guys together to prove to Solo Traveler A's family, friends, therapist, etc that they made friends on their solo trip by themselves. They will think that you are best friends with them by the end of the 3 hour activity that you guys forcefully shared together. They will want to "keep in touch." 

You will have to watch out for Solo Traveler B because they have no friends either because they are a) annoying (see above) b) emo, or c) a mixture of the two. Solo Traveler B, while not always, can often be a study abroad student that either had the bad luck of being in a really small study abroad program (think 2 other people), or just isn't social or motivated enough to make friends in their respectably large program. Solo Traveler B doesn't really go out of their way to make friends back in the city that they study abroad at. Solo Traveler B, despite being fortunate enough to have a study abroad experience, misses home because they are "missing more than half of the Brewer's season." Solo Traveler B is so sad, they make you want to slit your wrists within 10 minutes of being around them. Solo Traveler B answers questions in 12 words or less. Solo Traveler B makes you feel guilty for enjoying your semester abroad. Solo Traveler B is having such a bad time that they "can't wait to get back to their job in Minnesota." Solo Traveler B wants to go home. NOW.

Important note: A solo traveler can also fall under the category of the Heterosexual Solo Traveler. The Heterosexual Solo Traveler most likely planned on traveling with the Heterosexual Significant Other, but due to unforeseen circumstances (breakup), the Heterosexual Solo Traveler is...well...solo. 

3) The European: Another very common occurrence at hostels. The European, because of their healthy mix of socialism and capitalism back in their Motherland, is able to travel for 10 weeks without fear of losing their job. The European also received free education, affordable healthcare, and other great public services that has facilitated their ability to travel abroad. The European makes the North American Gringa very jealous of their country. The North American Gringa doesn't want to go into how much resentment she feels for not having such services in her Motherland, so she will just move on and continue describing the European.

The European usually feels superior to the other travelers. The European thinks that, because they have been traveling for 8 weeks already that they are the Expert of South America and South American culture. The European tries to out-South America you by putting you down for buying a bottled Caipirinha from the local supermarket nearest to the hostel. The European will then then try to tell you that "the only real way to experience a Caipirinha is to go to Rio and buy one off the streets." They will then proceed to tell you the ingredients of a Caipirinha, to prove to you how much they know about South American culture ("Sugar. Ice. Lime. Shake it"). The European, despite knowing at most, a Spanish 2 Level's worth of Spanish, will only talk in English to European Traveler 2, but will try to casually add in simple Spanish words (Ex: nodding to European Traveler 2 and saying "Si") to show how much they know about South American Culture. The European, despite being the Expert of South American Culture, will try at all costs to buy food from the supermarket to cook food that best imitates the food they eat back home. Paradoxically, they will also read in Lonely Planet that the Seafood Empanadas in Valparaiso are incredible ("because it's by the sea!"), and thus, will go on a long day hunt to find such incredible food. Due to their lack of Spanish, they will usually end up mistakenly buying a Cheese Empanada. 

Important Note: If you are a Study Abroad Student, there is always one sure-fire way to shut up The European. Casually ask them why they are in South America. They will smirk at you and condescendingly say, "Traveling! What else do you think I would be doing?!" Then, due to mandatory social norms, will feel obliged to throw the question back at you: "Why, what are you doing here?" expecting to hear the same answer. This is where you get to demonstrate your superiority in the Foreigners Abroad Hierarchy by casually but triumphantly saying, "I'm living in Santiago because I'm studying abroad." The European will usually give a short response ("Oh, that's cool,"), bow his head, and walk away. This is the point where both of you know that YOU WON. The European will stop bragging to you about his travels, and you can go on to enjoy the rest of your trip.

Speaking of....

4) The Study Abroad Student: The Study Abroad Student feels special. The Study Abroad Student feels entitled. The Study Abroad Student feels better than the other travelers. This is because the Study Abroad Student is not just traveling like most of the other hostel-goers, but also living in a foreign country for 6 months (in this case, Santiago, Chile). The Study Abroad Student feels more legitimate because while they also have a Lonely Planet Travel Book in their suitcase, they also have a reader in Spanish that they have to read a few articles in for their Society and Environment class at the Chilean University they attend before they get back on Monday. The Study Abroad Student has grown a bit of an ego from being in Santiago for more than 4 months because the Study Abroad Student, unlike Traveler X, knows there is more to Santiago than Cerro San Cristobol and La Moneda. The Study Abroad Student will make fun of the other hostel-goers with Study Abroad Friend 1, 2, and 3 behind their backs. But the Study Abroad Student is smart enough to keep their obnoxious entitlement and ego under control because, from having observed enough hostel goers in there more than 4 months living in Chile, knows what is appropriate behavior and what is not. The Study Abroad Student will only (subtly but triumphantly) brag about being the Ultimate Foreigner Abroad under extreme circumstances (see #3, The European). It is then that they Study Abroad Student revels in telling Hostel Goer X about the challenges of living in another country (to helpfully remind Hostel Goer X that they are in fact NOT living in another country), how much Spanish they have picked up on while living Here (to helpfully remind Hostel Goer X that how much Spanish they have NOT picked up on while traveling Here), and also about how much friends they have made (to helpfully remind Hostel Goer X that the only "friends" they have are the other annoying Hostel-Goers that choose to interact with Hostel Goer X). The Study Abroad Student might not have that great of karma when they get back on Monday to Santiago (which, did I mention, is the city that they have been living in for the past few months??), but to the Study Abroad Student, it is all worth it for that few minutes of glory.

This is a rough overview of the typical travelers in South America. Now, when you travel to South America, you will know what to expect. Good luck Heterosexual Couple, Solo Traveler, European, and Study Abroad Student. Good luck. 

You Know You've Been Living in a Foreign Country For a While When...

...when you spend your Friday night singing to High School Musical (preferable 1 & 2) songs. 

After being here for a handful of months, Chile is really starting to feel like my 2nd home. Well, technically 3rd, once you count San Carlos and Berkeley. 

(Side note: I know this is a pathetically short post, considering that in "blog time" I haven't written in forever, but I promise a good next one, most likely outlining the typical hostel-goers here in South America). 

Chi-chi-chi, le-le-le, viva Chile :)

Keeping it Real in the North of Chile

I just got back from San Pedro de Atacama, a beautiful desert region in the north of Chile, and had an absolute amazing time. I traveled with some wonderful people (Cassie and Tessa), and could not have asked for a better trip. Here are some of the highlights:

-Sandboarding (like snowboarding, but without me spraining my wrist this time) in la Valle de la Muerte.
-Freezing my ass off in -12.5 degree celsius weather, at 6:30 AM in the morning, to see some cool glaciers. In related news, getting picked up in what was so eloquently described by someone on the trip as what looked like "the rape van" at 4:30 AM in the morning.
-Showing some random Atacama residents that, yes, girls CAN play soccer. Aka at least dribble a ball.
-Watching beef unfold between Tessa and this random cuica bitch that was on the geyser daytrip with us. This needs context, so keep reading: Tessa gets motion sickness, so a couple of hours into the trip, she asks the lady who was sitting in the front if she could switch seats with her and sit there. The lady says no because "Yo viajo sola, y me va a complicar mucho" (I`m traveling alone, and it`s really going to complicate things for me"). What the fuck kind of legit point she was trying to convey, I have no idea, but basically, it was the lamest excuse ever. So I go up and talk to this spoiled brat, and she finally, reluctantly agrees to let the pobrecita Tessa sit up front. A couple of hours later, the woman tells Tessa that she wants to sit in the front now so she can take pictures from the van. Why she can`t take pictures from another seat (as long as you have a window seat you are good to go) is also beside me. So Tessa is in the second row, and the cuica bitch is in the front. When that happens, Cassie yells from the back of the van, "Make sure to aim {aka throw up} in the right direction, Tessa." Tessa turns around, without hesitation, and with so much agency, conviction, anger, and fierceness, loudly says to Cassie, "I`m going to kick her ass!!" Right in front of this lady, the tour guide, and all of the other people in the van. Now mind you, everyone in the van with us was either Brazilian or Chilean, but some of them must have known English (the cuica had to know, I wouldn`t be surprised if she went to an English-speaking colegio), and even if they didn`t, they knew what was up. The couple behind me and Cass were laughing, and me and Cass were cracking up so much tears were coming to our eyes. It truly was a classic moment.
-Playing with the cats and kittens (4 weeks old!) at our hostel. Wanting to steal said cats and kittens.
-Negotiating (ok, Tessa negotiating) with the sandboarding agency, and getting the legit, non-dumb tourists/non-gringo deal. Realizing that the annoying Australian who was on the sandboarding trip with us who would not stop stop talking, nor giving us shit about random things (She didn`t like the phrase "fo sho"....now who doesn`t like that phrase?) got completely ripped off.
-Chilling and having fun with our sandboarding guide. Him immediately asking us - right after finding out we were from California - "Do you like marijuana?"
-Being anti-social from all of the annoying hostel-goers at our place. Expect a blog post about the typical hostel-goers later.
-Meeting an emo study abroad student at our hostel, who said she hasn`t liked studying abroad in Santiago and has been wanting to go home for at least 3 months now because she is "Missing the Brewers baseball season." Rediccccc.
-Keeping it real with our spaghetti dinners and pan with marmalada breakfasts.
-Valles de la Luna. Cassie and Tess, you know what`s up.

-ANTM-inspired mini-photoshoots with Tessa and Cass in caves, salt fields, you name it. 
-Staying at a sketch residencial in Calama on Sunday night.

-Translating the lyrics of "Gangsta's Paradise" for our geyser tour guide

-Floating with Tessa in the salt lake in tank tops and a sweatpants because we failed to bring swimsuits up north. Trying not to flash all the other people at the lake when we changed into other clothes.
-Fulfilling stereotypes and being the loud, obnoxious gringas by always talking and laughing. Which reminds me of a little complaint I have about Chile. Chileans have no problem with couples making out all over the streets, parks, restaurants, metros, breathing spaces, etc, of Santiago, but if I talk on the phone in a public space for 2 minutes, I immediately get 10 death glares going my direction. But that`s another topic for another time.
-Getting hyphy with Cassie on the Tur-Bus to Calama. Getting hyphy with her again on the plane ride back to Santiago (We owned HSM songs, Tell Me When to Go, SexyBack, Stop and Stare, Hanging by a Moment, Too Little Too Late, etc like no other).

Will think of more as they come to me....

Chile: Mini-Cuentos

Some random experiences I've had in Chile:

1) Dealing with that awkward moment in your phone conversation with a friend when your phone suddenly drops your call, and you realize it's because you have no more money left on it. It's most fun/awkward when you or the other person is in the middle of a sentence. This also means you are missing out on the best part of the conversation, the obligatory but super tierno (sweet/adorable) good-bye banter ("Cuidate harto" "Y tu también" "¡Besitos!" "¡Abrazotes!" "¡Chau chau!"). And the other person doesn't call you back, either because a) they also don't have any money on their phone OR 2) they don't want to use up their saldo calling you back.

2) Cursing at the micros that just straight up pass your bus stop for no reason whatsoever. When on buses, listening to people play music for all the bus-goers (and then asking for donation of moneda - or coins - afterwards, which I pretty much always give, because most of them are pretty fucking good, and it makes the bus ride much more enjoyable).

3) Desperately awaiting my Pase Escolar (Student Pass), which means paying about 300 pesos less (130 pesos instead of about 420) to take public transportation.

4) Drinking way more frequently than I ever have in my life. Which makes me sound like a badass, but really, I'm quite the goody-two shoes.

5) Realizing that 2:00 means 2:15, 5:30 means 5:45, etc. Which works for me, because I'm always running late to things. You can thank my mother for that. 

6) Getting locked out of my own bedroom (this happened last night - of course the one time I don't have my keys). My bedroom locks from the inside, so if someone closes the door, the only way you can get in by using your keys. Getting my host brother to unlock it with a piece of cardboard-type paper. And then getting locked out again when I leave my room for 10 seconds, because his drunk Chilean friend just walked by and randomly decided to close it. (And you thought conversing with a sober Chilean was hard enough, try it when they're drunkenly slurring their words). Who also denied closing it, and just kept crazily and haphazardly repeating "No estaba nadie" (There wasn't anyone there"); I had no idea what the purpose of that sentence was. She was gone. Having my host brother badass break it open again with his magical cardboard paper. At 3:30 AM in the morning. 

7) Still waiting for the Facultad de Derecho to end their fucking toma. 

8) Seeing the implications of teaching the word "hard-on" to my Nivel 1 English class (hey, they asked for the meaning, and well, we live in a democracy, right? Information should always be accessible. The people have a right to know). Almost every class, they find a way to slip it in somehow, even if I am teaching them vocab, on say, transportation and the environment, in Santiago. I really don't know how they managed to relate contaminación (pollution) to hard-on, but hey, they're committed, what can I say. 

9) In related news, teaching English slang to some of my Chilean friends. Although I have to admit, one of them already knows EVERYTHING I try to teach him. Which makes me sound like I'm an arrogant, thinks-they're-all-knowing gringa when I obnoxiously say, "So there's this one phrase we really use a lot in California...." and he's like, "Yeah, I already know it. It's [insert phrase we really use a lot in CA]." The only one I taught him that he didn't know already was "Make it rain," and no one ever really uses that phrase (because who's ever going to be in a situation where they make it rain with their money). The gringo phrase that I find that seems to be the most popular with my Chilean friends is "fo sho"! Which I fucking love.

10) Trying to get a waiter's or waitress's attention. Because they don't seem to give a fuck about you. Maybe it's just the gringo element, but you basically have to yell and wave your hands like you're drowning in the ocean to get their attention. And yes, I'm aware that this one makes me sound like a spoiled gringa. The upside of this though is that you are almost never rushed to finish a meal, which I really like. Especially because in the States I have literally gotten the check in the middle of eating my entree, implicitly telling me to hurry the fuck up and get out of their restaurant.

11) Tuning out in the classes (ok, let's be real, right now, CLASS) that I have. And then realizing that tuning out in your non-native language is probably the worst idea in the world.

12) Opening my mouth to speak Spanish, and then al tiro (immediately) getting the question: "De dónde eres?" (Where are you from?). Definitely not an inconspicuous gringa. 

13) Not cooking for myself. At all. The beauties of living with a host family. I swear, I'm going to come back to the States, and forget how to boil water. I wish I could say I was joking, but I fear that this is a real possibility. 

14) Dealing with excessive security. You walk into a supermarket, and you either have to check your bag, or they put this weird tape on the zippers so you don't sneak any apples or chorizo or anything else that you fancy in your backpack. And I thought security was intense in supermarkets, it by no means compares to my nearest pharmacy, Farmacia Ahumada (a chain pharmacy). They have a security person, called MC Seguridad (which sounds more like a rapper's name, not a job title, but whatever), WHO HAS A BULLETPROOF VEST ON. And stands on this mini-soapbox-type contraption. At the front of the store. And just stares at everyone as they shop. Which seems superfluous to me. Like, this isn't a bank - as if anyone is going to hold up a store so they can get some Pantene Pro-V and Sahne Nuss chocolate bars for free! C'mon now. Also, the MC Seguridad has a little notebook/journal that they write in. To write their innermost feelings, secrets, and desires in?? Of course a nerdy psychologist like me would think this. I am constantly fascinated by this security setup, and love going into my local farmacia just so I can observe this strange dynamic some more. 

15) Commuting to school/my internship more than I ever commuted to school/internship in my life. Makes me realize how spoiled/lucky I am to live so close to my university back home. After it takes an hour to get somewhere here, the fact that my apartment in Berkeley is a 15 minute walk to class seems like absolute beauty now. 

16) Getting whistled at at least once a day. Does not phase me at all anymore. 

17) Getting ripped off by a taxi driver. Which happened 2 days ago. I'm sure it's happened to me more than once, but this was the first time I realized that it happened. And by me realizing it, I mean my gringa friend Claire realizing it and pointing it out to me (what can I say, the pitcher of vino con frutilla (wine with strawberries) that I shared with my friend made me a little sleepy/out of it). We were only in the cab for a few minutes, when Claire sees the meter at over 2500 pesos (It should have barely been 1000 pesos, if that). So she confronts him, and this is pretty much how it went:

Claire: Señor, el contador está equivocado (Sir, the meter is wrong)

Taxista: No, es que es más caro en la noche (No, it's just that it's more expensive at night). Which is an utter lie, because the only time a taxi is ever expensive is if you call a special radio taxi - their starting price is 1100 pesos, compared to a regular taxi you pick up on the street that starts off with 200 pesos. 

Claire: Pero señor, eso es una locura (But sir, that's just crazy/madness). 

Taxista: ¡No, es más caro en la noche! (No, it's more expensive at night!).

My pathetic contribution: ¡No nos mientan! (Don't lie to us!). But then I realized that I conjugated wrong (god was my Spanish pathetic that night), so I corrected myself and said it again, in the correct way: "¡No nos mienta!" Which just made me sound pathetic, not forceful. 

And then we just paid 2 luca, or 2000 pesos (because Claire said she didn't have more than that), which the taxi driver accepted because he knew that we knew he was ripping us off. We got out, and walked the rest of the way to Claire's house (it was really nearby), and got a taxi for me to take me to my house. It was definitely an experience. 

18) Actually thinking that things are salty here. In the states, I put salt on food like it contains the sole oxygen I need to take in to get me through the day. But here, Chileans take it to the next level. I once saw my host dad shake the salt shaker 6 big times on teeny tiny plate containing some mashed up palta (avocado). And there's been many more times where I have witnessed unbelievable acts of sodium atrocity like this. On the plus side, when my friends give me shit about my sodium intake, I can now say, "Well, at least I have lower blood pressure than Chileans."

19) Eating miel de papya (papaya honey) for the first time. Literally THE BEST HONEY I have ever had in my life. If you haven't tried any yet, your life is not complete. Scour the supermarkets for some - you won't regret it. 

20) Realizing that the English words Chileans have the most problems distinguishing from (pronunciation-wise) is cheat and shit, and beach and bitch. Imagine my surprise when one of my friends - who tandems with me - told me about hooking up with a guy who "shitted" on his boyfriend. This also makes me more self-reflective about, as well as curious to know, which Spanish words I butcher (hint: It's all of them), which makes me seem like I am saying a crazily weird, out of context, completely distinct, word. 

21) Not being to fully express myself here. Although I feel like my Spanish has improved leaps and bounds since my first jet-lagged, sans luggage, day in Santiago, I'm not going to lie, there's been moments of frustration where you want to say things in a certain way, but you just can't. Or, you just straight up can't say it at all. There are times where someone will say something, and I will have (what I think is! haha) a witty comment that I want to say, but just don't know how to say it in Spanish. Or will have a conversation with someone, and just flat out say something that comes out the wrong way, just because I don't have ability to maneuver the nuances and subtleties of the language the way a native speaker can. Because there is so much more to a language than vocabulary. There's tone, there's the way you string words together in a sentences, hell, it's the way you use those words - I mean, there might be two words that are similar to each other, but one is better to say in one context, the other one in another. I mean really, a Rhetoric major would have a field day listening to my Spanish babble. And as much as I fucking love this beautiful language, and trust me, I do, the obstacle of being in this constant tension of trying to work your way through the language without embarrassing yourself (too much) or not offending someone, or even just trying to sound somewhat interesting, for that matter, can be a huge challenge sometimes. 

22) Continuously being awe-inspired and amazed by the beautiful sunsets here in Santiago. It's a shame that pollution is the main cause of this. 

23) Thinking in Spanish...in English. If you catch my drift. Sometimes I find myself saying, "I have hunger" instead of "I'm hungry," or "It's pleasing to me" instead of "I like it" or "It seems to me" instead of "That sounds good to me." Being here has also made my English spelling really shitty (as if it wasn't shitty enough already). I'll put one "s" instead of two, add on an "e" to a word when it's plural (I have to remind myself that it's "chairs," not "chaires"), and I've even just straight up spelled out English words phonetically. Let's just say spelling "thought" t-h-a-w-t was a low point. I need to arreglar (fix) that shit before I get back to Berkeley, that's for sure.

24) Dealing with having to prepare an oral presentation....in Spanish. Allegedly. Which, speaking of, I should probably get back to. What can I say, I'm more dedicated to this blog entry than to this presentation. Which I know will only come back to bite me in the ass later. Filo (Whatever). Will add more as they come to me....