Trein.....ta y cin.....co, ce.....ro nue....ve"

I took a taxi home a couple of days ago, and it was only natural that the necessary shenanigans ensued. I told him my address (Treinta y cinco, cero nueve Holanda) literally 8000 times, and my accent must have been that horrendous, because he kept asking me to repeat it. Literally, so many times. So many times, in fact, that you could have made a drinking game out of it. It would have gotten you drunk in under 5 minutes or less, money back guranteed. Finally he stops and says "Ya." (which kind of means, "This is it/We´re here," if my gringa translation is correct). The house was definitely not my house. "Treinta y uno Holanda" ("3100 Holanda) he says to me. "God, how fucking shitty must my Spanish be?!?" I thought. So I have to tell him one more time that it´s 3509 Holanda. Finally, he gets to my house, and the pay meter says $2500 pesos, so I give him $3000, and he doesn´t give me any change back. (In Chile, you´re not supposed to tip the taxi driver). So then I tell him that he needs to give me change back, and soon a mini-debate/argument ensues. I wish I could tell you what he said to me, but he talked so fast that I had no idea what he was saying. And I kept repeating, the same thing in Spanish, "But I gave you $3000 pesos, and it cost $2500!" And he kept saying what sounded like the same thing in Spanish. Back and forth. Back and forth. Like a tennis match. A shitty ass tennis match. A shitty tennis match with incomprehensible words. So finally, I give up, and say thank you, have a good night, etc etch, and he´s just shaking his head as I´m getting out of the cab. Obligatory Gringa Moment Count: 26.

Speaking of being a gringa, there are 2 things that I am ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS at (but slowly improving upon) here. They are:

1) Numbers: Since the peso is so devalued compared to the dollar, things here usually end up costing a few hundred pesos. You try understanding "Tres mil, ochenta, siete y cuatro" at the drop of a dime. No pun intended. So, especially in the beginning, but a little less now, I would just give them the next higher bill for what the ballpark figure for what I thought I heard, and hope that they don´t rip me off. I´m sure it´s already happened a few times though. Hell, it happened with my fucking taxi driver, and I actually was aware of it!
2) Directions: Oh directions. Directions are confusing enough in English: ¨You walk 4 blocks down, take a soft left, cross the street, go down one block, and find the blue building next to the coffee shop. Go to the second floor, walk down the hall, and the thrid door to your right is where you want to be." Try doing that in Spanish. Not to mention the cruel fact that ¨Derecho" ("straight ahead") sounds almost the exact same as ¨Derecha" ("To the right"). So I usually end up asking roughly 5 people every time I´m lost where I need to be, with the hopes that if I ask enough people, I will be able to pick up enough important words from the conversation to put the puzzle together.

Qué lindo.