Pity Party of 1, Your Table is Now Ready

I'm back from Berkeley, and it just doesn't feel the same to me. I don't feel the same connection to the campus as I did before I went abroad. Everything feels just a little bit foreign, a little bit different, a little bit out of place.

I feel out of place.

I miss Chile a lot. I don't even have the words to describe the incredible experience I got to have abroad - because words will never be able to justify the intangible beauty that it was anyway - but I realized that the best semester I had at Berkeley was in fact, not at Berkeley, but rather in South America.

And now I am back, and the bubble has burst. I am back to midterms, to annoying, squeaky, and superficial sorority girls walking by, to massive budget cuts affecting the supposed world class education they claim to be giving to me. I am back to hyperbolic super-capitalism. I am back to all the problems I quasi-avoided while in Chile. I am back to trying to figure the fuck out what I want to do with my life (I have no idea).

I am back to familiarly unfamiliar surroundings.

And to add to that, I hurt the most important person to me in Chile, and I don't know if he will ever talk to me again. The thought of that is extremely saddening and terrifying to me.

Chile now almost feels like a dream, a distant country that a few weeks ago, didn't seem so far away; but now it feels like I just won't ever be able to reach it again.

Berkeley also feels like a dream as well, but in a different way. Sometimes it feels like it's a dream I just can't wait to wake up from. But I wake up, and it's still there. I am still there. I can't believe I am back here. I can't believe it's real.

I just hope that it will get better.

With that being said, excuse my italic-ridden, 100% purely emo post I have just written out. Sometimes you just need a melodramatic pity party from time to time. That, and some good chocolate would be nice.